We found out that our Mom, who is 86, has a mass on her one lung. She will be having a biopsy next Tuesday so that the doctors will know what they are dealing with but she has already decided that there will be no surgery, no radiation, no chemo–nothing. I understand it but I don’t at the same time. Because I am pro-life from conception to natural death and believe all the church teachings about the value of life and how we are to preserve it. (Read CCC 2278) I don’t get her attitude–her non will to live, as it were.
Mentioned this to my friend today whose older brother is 88 and in remission from lung cancer after going through a few chemo treatments. When questioned by the doctors if he had a living will, he told them that he had something better, he had the will to live.
I hope that mom will pray to the Holy Spirit, the Giver of Life, to be sure that she is doing what He would have her do instead of refusing treatment out of some selfish reason of pride or control that none of us really have over our life.
My daughter asked me a while back while her Grandma was so miserable in her life. And that is what brings me to the title of this blog. My mom is so miserable that she makes her children miserable. We are all such a disappointment to her (except my brother.) She actually told my sister that yesterday. My sister put our mom on her prayer “chains,” but first she had to ask for prayers for herself so that she can deal with our mom’s self-pity and whining all the time. So some people are hard to pray for without first fortifying ourselves with prayer.
Finally, I was going to take it personally that I am a disappointment to my mom and then, the Lord woke me up at 3:00 a.m. today and I was laughing at my mother and at myself. So I pulled out my rosary, said it for her, and went back to sleep with a smile on my face and joy and peace in my heart.
Gotta love the Holy Spirit!
Dr. Linda L. Powell 
PLEASE … Describe “miserable”!!! I really would like to know, what was that she did that was so miserable? I don’t want my children to ever think of me like that, so it would be helping me:)
About her fighting for her life “in medicine”, it might be that “ALL” these could be a big misunderstand! She probably may think that she has “fail” all of you, and there is no reason to go on and fight to live longer!!!
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Thanks for the comment. I have been praying (especially the Rosary) for my mom each and every single day. I have spent hours in front of the Blessed Sacrament for her. I cry as I pray. & I realize that this is an opportunity to clear up some of my meaning when I wrote this first post.
She is “miserable,” because she has isolated herself from everyone that has ever shown her friendship or kindness. She no longer associates with her church friends or her sisters-in-law who have reached out to her time and time again after Dad died. She can’t get to Mass anymore, but she refuses to have someone bring her the Eucharist or to have the priest visit her in her home. She is “miserable” because 3 of her 4 children live out of town (have for years) and so we have “failed” her by moving away. (and yet, we are only welcome to visit under her terms which are unreasonable sometime: i.e. our children can’t come to visit us when we are with her, because they are “cutting into” her time with us.) She suffers great loneliness and most of it is because of decisions that she has made in the past 9 years that Dad has been gone.
My sister and I just got finished discussing the very thing that you brought up. We don’t want our children to ever think of us as miserable. In fact, our children, who love their grandmother, have already told us that they don’t want us to be like her. We don’t think we will be. We both have purpose outside of ourselves; we both still do work that we love; we like being alone; but we are never lonely. We have friends. We have “church.” We have never considered our children failures–have they done things that we disapproved of? of course, but we have never thought of them as failures–only human like us. So far, God has been good to us and has blessed us with good health. Mom is definitely suffering right now and is wondering why our prayers are not “doing any good.” I’m not sure what that means. . .
And, if mom feels that she has “failed” us, she hasn’t ever apologized for anything and has never cared how she has cut us with her words. Charlie reminded me that Jesus even said that the words that come out of the mouth are what tells us what is in others’ hearts.
I cry for my mother, because I know that I am going to lose her soon; but I also cry for her immortal soul. The sin of Pride runs in our family–believe me, I know!- –
I’m not a saint–but we did take my mother-in-law into our home (she lived in KY at the time) when she was dying from Hep C and liver disease. We cared for her for 4 years before she died. (and we think that she lived 3 of those years because she was with us and not in a nursing home in Kentucky by herself.) After Stella died, we offered for Mom to come live with us, too. She didn’t want to be bothered looking for new doctors, etc. We understood that and never pressed although through the years we have offered time and again.
So, now, we wait and pray, and see what the next chapter in her life is going to be.
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